Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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