God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
