I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have already put on my inside pants.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
