i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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