i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
