He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
