Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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