I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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