i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
