Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
