i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
