i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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