google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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