Hey man sorry I got all grabby
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
