After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
