There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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