How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
