so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
