I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
