Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
