he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I see more hoeing in ur future
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
