fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
