Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
