life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
