Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
