I want to walk on stilts...naked
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
