Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
