What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
