is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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