I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
