i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
