lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
