i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
