dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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