I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
