Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
