I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
