ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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