I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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