I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
