Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
