you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
