Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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