Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
