What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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