Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
