need another drink. this is the easiest way
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
