You made me cry and you don't even care
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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