Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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