Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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