Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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