So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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