Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
