Where did you get a picture of my penis
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
