I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
