my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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