i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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