I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
