we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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